I struggle just now

꩜ Seasonal battles & feeling filskit ꩜

When folk talk about seasonal depression, most people imagine the transition from summer > winter. The loss of light, warmth and a gradual descent into the cold, wintery months are what cause most people to struggle with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but for me, it’s the other way round.

I find the transition from winter > spring the hardest seasonal transition to deal with. Despite yearning for the return of spring after a long winter, I often struggle to shift myself out of my winter-brain and step into the glaring light of a new season. I feel like a little mole who has overslept, and poked their head out of the soil to find the world far too bright and overwhelming to handle.

Whilst everyone else seems so energised by the returning spring, I feel pre-emptively exhausted by it. Weird? Perhaps. But we all have our own internal seasons, and this one just happens to be mine. I usually begin feeling stronger around my birthday at the end of April, which coincides closely with the festival of Beltane.

So, I am taking a much slower run up to the season, and trying not to feel like an odd-ball for it.

The Boy, The Mole, The Fox & The Horse - Charlie Mackesy

March - The Battle of the Seasons

I remember a long train journey from when I was a child in the early days of spring, speeding from north to south through the seemingly endless landscapes of the UK. After many hours of boredom-busting games and rounds of I-spy, my Dad pointed out the window and said:

Look, winter and spring are having a battle!

I gazed out the window to the open expanse of sparse English moorland, and saw how the sky above seemed alive with a strange dance. Swathes of angry grey clouds ripped across the pale blue canvas, bubbling and seething with an icy determination. But no sooner had they enveloped the sky than the sun burst through to sweep a deciding hand over the horizon and brush the squall aside. The blue skies returned, peppered with delicate white clouds which then began to unleash a torrent of hail which clattered against the train window, making everyone jump.

Back and forth this ferocious battle went, and the weather could not make up its mind. Spring, Winter, Spring, Winter. These two mighty seasons grappled and fought without one another, creating a spectacle in the sky that kept me mesmerized for the rest of the train journey.

Whilst March is technically a spring month here in the UK, I’ve always categorized it in a season of its own. March is a month of false starts. Of strange spring-like facades which create a few deceptive days of warmth and sunshine, before descending into the tantrum of a second winter.

Snowstorms, sunburns, inches of rain…March has it all, and as a result I find it a tricky month to orient myself in. There’s a wonderful Shetland dialect word to describe the skittish behaviour that animals sometimes display in very windy weather: Filskit - that jumpy, excitable way the wind makes them act.

That’s how March makes me feel. Filskit.

I am a field full of jumpy shetland sheep, fidgety and anxious in the unpredictable winds of early spring.

So as March draws to a close, I admit that I’m glad to see the end of this odd month and eagerly looking ahead to more enjoyable glimmers of the season.

Clouds Approaching Over a Landscape - Turner, 1822-40

Despite feeling this way, when I look back on my camera roll and sound recordings from this month I find reminders that despite the grey clouds above my head, little sunbursts of joy are getting through. The birds have started singing, the air carries a hint of warmth, and the winds dropped low enough for our first boat-trip of the 2026 this month.

Join me for this Spring Walk earlier in March, when the birds were serenading the returning sun…

Some recent Pinterest saves

Something wonderful this way comes…

As a final thought to close out this little ramble, I want to drop a hint that something exciting is on its way. For the past few months I’ve been working very hard on one of the biggest projects of my life. Growing something entirely new, which will be announced into the world next week.

Watch this space, more to come! For now, I shall leave you with some findings below and wish you all a very happy start to your week. Sending love to you all ₊˚.⋆⋆⁺₊✧

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Findings 𓇢𓆸

A list of things I’ve been enjoying this past month. Perhaps you will too.

• Fairy Tale Lullaby - John Martyn / The beginning of this song reminds me of the opening for Bagpuss, which instantly fills me with nostalgic whimsy. Also, the lyrics are just delightful

• Finding Albion - Zakia Sewell

• Soda Bread / I always forget the joy of whipping up this delicious bread in 10 minutes. I use the porridge soda bread recipe from Jess Elliott.

• The Sublime App

• Jam jars of fresh flowers in every possible corner. Encouraging spring into my home & soul simultaneously 𓆸𓇢

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